Yankee fans come in all shapes and sizes (though most are size XXL) You can't lump them all together, you have to talk about the sub species separately....
The Douche Bag Fan- One of the most common breeds of Yankee Fan,these creatures can often be found in packs. They usually begin drinking in the car on the way to the ball park and continue to drink until security escorts them out. They yell at every player, and think every player on the opposing team is "Gay" or a "Fag" Occasionally they can be spotted with a "Skankalicious Fan" (See below) Usually telling her to "shut ya damn mouth" when she askes how many points the "good guys" have and if A-Rod is single. They often start fights with anyone around them who roots for the opposing team, including that ninety year old woman attending a game with her grandson. This is also the fan who will shove a 7 year old down the stairs in order to catch a foul ball. Their Jersey has no number on it because they love a player one minute, then want him dead when he strikes out. Avoid this fan at all cost.
The Rich Kid-Often seen sitting in a box, directly behind home plate, these guys can hardly be considered fans. They attend games to win over clients and can tell you the net worth of said client but couldn't tell you how many innings there are in a game. This is also the fan you see on his cell phone for the entire game. They most likely did not grow up in NY, have never played any sports (they had asthma and an over protective mother) They don't know who Joe DiMaggio is, but they wear his jersey, which they bought at their company's Charity Auction (Because they are not only REALLY Rich...but they care about the poor little children...) This "fan" is harmless because they are terrified that you will ask them a baseball related question, making them look like a fake in front of clients and women they are trying to impress.
The "Tony Baseball"-Another common species, related to the Douche Bag Fan, these characters drink, drink drink, but they also eat, eat, eat and you can often tell what meals they have consumed by looking at the stains on their shirt. They live with their mom, and she often attends games with them. "Ma" Is often equally loud, obnoxious and hungry. They most likely grew up in NY, and are Italian. Since they don't have girlfriends, they have a lot of free time to memorize stats. The don't own any shirts that are not Yankee related, and wear them to all events (Including weddings and funerals) They hate the Red Sox, but to their credit, they love the Yankees more. Don't disagree with them or argue a stat because they will do everything in their power to prove you wrong. I'd recommend avoiding these fans unless you want to know the stats of every Yankee in history, and get mustard stains on your favorite jersey.
The Jeweler- This fan truly knows nothing about the game of Baseball, all they know is the number of rings the Yankees have won. They approach Red Sox fans (From birth to 110) screaming things like "Got Rings?!" "27 World Championships!!" and even "1918",which no longer makes sense, but they don't have much else in their repertoire. Even after the Sox win, this pest will still say "So what? How many rings ya got?" They act as if they were there when Babe Ruth was playing. Ask them about Casey Stengel and they will stare blankly before yelling "2009 World Series Champs" and running away.
The Haters-Just like the Jewelers these folks can hardly be considered fans. They can't name a single player on the Yankees, with the exception of Jeter and A-Rod, But know all names (with correct spelling) on the Red Sox Roster. Why? Well because you need to be educated in order to create Witty Nicknames like "Kevin Pukelis" and "Big Sloppy" You will never hear them cheering for the Yankees, they only boo the Red Sox (occasionally the Mets) They do not wear Yankee apparel, only Boston Hater hats, and Shirts with anti-Boston sentiments.
The Skankalicious Fan- Knows nothing about baseball (or any sports) Only a Yankee fan because she thinks A-Rod is "soo hott!" or her boyfriend of 5 minutes is a fan. You will hear her ask questions such as "How many quarters are in this match?" and "How many points do you get when you run to the goal?" She wear a considerable amount of make-up, glitter, and a pink hat. She may even have cut up a jersey so it only covers what it legally needs to. She will approach men in bars who are wearing Yankee apparel saying "oh my god! I LOVE the Yankees!" When the guy asks why she'll say "Cuz they are like really really good right?" If the guy is A Douche Bag fan, they will leave the bar and have sex in his (moms) Escalade.
The "Im not a fan-the hat just matched my outfit" fan-This guy (or girl) doen't care what logo is on the hat, they wear it because "This red New Era is the exact same color as my Air Force 1's" Seen wearing a Yankee hat one day, Sox hat the next, Brewers following that, and a White Sox hat after that. These "Fans" are only on the list because they annoy the hell outta me.
The TRUE Fan- The Yankees do have one breed of fan that is not to be hated. The True Fan. These are the Old Timers. These men (and women) grew up watching DiMaggio, Gehrig and The Babe. They were in attendance for all those World Series wins. They don't hate any other team, they just Love the Yankees and they love the game of baseball. They still wear the hat their dad bought them at their first game in 1923, and saved every baseball card they got as a kid. These are the only Yankee fans to be respected.(NOTE:If you are a Yankee fan, and you "see yourself" in one of these categories, its probably because I wrote it with you in mind. )
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