Dave and I went on an adventure today. Our adventure took us on the local consignment shop circuit. We did not go with the intention of purchasing anything, we were seeking some comic relief, and the consignment shops did not disappoint.

As soon as we walked through the door of shop #1, hilarity ensued.....



Yes, that is a Moose Jaw. I'm not sure what to think/say about this. Someone owned it, and felt that it would sell at a consignment shop, bringing them great riches....or something...

I wanted to buy it, but not for the $50 asking price.....



I'd like to imagine that this was once owned by a brave fireman.... But it probably wasn't. And I bet the owners got rid of it because their Shitzu, Mr. Snookypoo, kept peeing on it. I didn't even notice the price, I was in awe of its existence.



There really isn't anything to say here.....

The eyes follow you.....



Again.....nothing to say....

This is not ok..... someone had this in their HOME where they SLEEP! How do you sleep with this much evil in your house?!?!

I apologize if you have nightmares after viewing this.



This may be the greatest find EVER!!

An armadillo....COOKIE JAR?!?! AWESOME!!

Dave wouldn't let me buy it. I may have cried.



Other un-photographed (The shop owners were watching) awesomeness include:

-A Lion head
-A Cobra belt (basically just an entire dead cobra with a buckle type mechanism)
-Numerous Frog lamps (frog playing golf, frog playing cards, frog playing tennis, frog playing basketball-----one shop had a "Frog lamp Sale")
-A chair covered in real zebra pelt
-A collection of rusty old meat cleavers (perfect for your next horror movie)


I think I might make this a monthly trip....

So, its that time of year again....Baseball season! Having grown up in New York, you'd think I'd be a Yankee fan. Well, fortunately, my father, being from Boston, raised me right, and I am blessed to be a Fan of the Greatest Team in Baseball, The Boston Red Sox. The Red Sox have an amazing history and even more amazing fans. But this post isn't about us. This post is about those "other" fans....the fans of the "Evil Empire"....New York Yankee Fans...

Yankee fans come in all shapes and sizes (though most are size XXL) You can't lump them all together, you have to talk about the sub species separately....

The Douche Bag Fan- One of the most common breeds of Yankee Fan,these creatures can often be found in packs. They usually begin drinking in the car on the way to the ball park and continue to drink until security escorts them out. They yell at every player, and think every player on the opposing team is "Gay" or a "Fag" Occasionally they can be spotted with a "Skankalicious Fan" (See below) Usually telling her to "shut ya damn mouth" when she askes how many points the "good guys" have and if A-Rod is single. They often start fights with anyone around them who roots for the opposing team, including that ninety year old woman attending a game with her grandson. This is also the fan who will shove a 7 year old down the stairs in order to catch a foul ball. Their Jersey has no number on it because they love a player one minute, then want him dead when he strikes out. Avoid this fan at all cost.




The Rich Kid-Often seen sitting in a box, directly behind home plate, these guys can hardly be considered fans. They attend games to win over clients and can tell you the net worth of said client but couldn't tell you how many innings there are in a game. This is also the fan you see on his cell phone for the entire game. They most likely did not grow up in NY, have never played any sports (they had asthma and an over protective mother) They don't know who Joe DiMaggio is, but they wear his jersey, which they bought at their company's Charity Auction (Because they are not only REALLY Rich...but they care about the poor little children...) This "fan" is harmless because they are terrified that you will ask them a baseball related question, making them look like a fake in front of clients and women they are trying to impress.






The "Tony Baseball"-Another common species, related to the Douche Bag Fan, these characters drink, drink drink, but they also eat, eat, eat and you can often tell what meals they have consumed by looking at the stains on their shirt. They live with their mom, and she often attends games with them. "Ma" Is often equally loud, obnoxious and hungry. They most likely grew up in NY, and are Italian. Since they don't have girlfriends, they have a lot of free time to memorize stats. The don't own any shirts that are not Yankee related, and wear them to all events (Including weddings and funerals) They hate the Red Sox, but to their credit, they love the Yankees more. Don't disagree with them or argue a stat because they will do everything in their power to prove you wrong. I'd recommend avoiding these fans unless you want to know the stats of every Yankee in history, and get mustard stains on your favorite jersey.


The Jeweler- This fan truly knows nothing about the game of Baseball, all they know is the number of rings the Yankees have won. They approach Red Sox fans (From birth to 110) screaming things like "Got Rings?!" "27 World Championships!!" and even "1918",which no longer makes sense, but they don't have much else in their repertoire. Even after the Sox win, this pest will still say "So what? How many rings ya got?" They act as if they were there when Babe Ruth was playing. Ask them about Casey Stengel and they will stare blankly before yelling "2009 World Series Champs" and running away.




The Haters-Just like the Jewelers these folks can hardly be considered fans. They can't name a single player on the Yankees, with the exception of Jeter and A-Rod, But know all names (with correct spelling) on the Red Sox Roster. Why? Well because you need to be educated in order to create Witty Nicknames like "Kevin Pukelis" and "Big Sloppy" You will never hear them cheering for the Yankees, they only boo the Red Sox (occasionally the Mets) They do not wear Yankee apparel, only Boston Hater hats, and Shirts with anti-Boston sentiments.




The Skankalicious Fan- Knows nothing about baseball (or any sports) Only a Yankee fan because she thinks A-Rod is "soo hott!" or her boyfriend of 5 minutes is a fan. You will hear her ask questions such as "How many quarters are in this match?" and "How many points do you get when you run to the goal?" She wear a considerable amount of make-up, glitter, and a pink hat. She may even have cut up a jersey so it only covers what it legally needs to. She will approach men in bars who are wearing Yankee apparel saying "oh my god! I LOVE the Yankees!" When the guy asks why she'll say "Cuz they are like really really good right?" If the guy is A Douche Bag fan, they will leave the bar and have sex in his (moms) Escalade.





The "Im not a fan-the hat just matched my outfit" fan-This guy (or girl) doen't care what logo is on the hat, they wear it because "This red New Era is the exact same color as my Air Force 1's" Seen wearing a Yankee hat one day, Sox hat the next, Brewers following that, and a White Sox hat after that. These "Fans" are only on the list because they annoy the hell outta me.







The TRUE Fan- The Yankees do have one breed of fan that is not to be hated. The True Fan. These are the Old Timers. These men (and women) grew up watching DiMaggio, Gehrig and The Babe. They were in attendance for all those World Series wins. They don't hate any other team, they just Love the Yankees and they love the game of baseball. They still wear the hat their dad bought them at their first game in 1923, and saved every baseball card they got as a kid. These are the only Yankee fans to be respected.


(NOTE:If you are a Yankee fan, and you "see yourself" in one of these categories, its probably because I wrote it with you in mind. )

He's a Democrat, He's Italian, He's Gay, He's Jewish and I Love him.

Oh and did I mention, his father was a mob lawyer (they need attorneys too!), his brother was just released from federal prison on corruption charges (sometimes you just gotta shake down your clients), his police driver was just arrested in a cocaine sting (....I got nothin'...), and he's running for Congress?

The Year is 1961. The city, Providence, RI. A Baby boy is born to Sabra and "Jack" Cicilline. Little did they know that this baby boy would grow up to be the Greatest Mayor the City of Providence would ever know!! (Ok, so maybe a lot of people would disagree....But I don't think there has ever been a better, less corrupt Mayor in this city.)

The son of a prominent Mafia attorney, David Cicilline was destined for greatness (Because when your dad works for the most powerful Mafia family in New England there really isn't anything standing in your way.) He attended Brown University, and graduated magna cum laude, then went on to earn his J.D from Georgetown. He worked as a public defender in Washington DC before returning to Rhode Island and establishing his own criminal defense and civil rights law practice. From 1994-2002 Cicilline served 4 terms as a state representative where he worked to bring ethics to politics. (Not an easy task)

In 2002 the city of Providence was a mess. The weight of a $59 million dollar deficit, on top of decades of corruption caused the foundation of the city to crumble. Like a Superhero, Cicilline swooped in with a promise of a New Providence. A Providence where the people can trust City Hall. A Providence with lower crime, revitalized neighborhoods, a booming art scene, and a really sexy gay mayor! He won in a landslide. And he kept his promises. Under Cicilline, crime went down substantially, the city experienced a True Renaissance, and has become quite a tourist destination.


Ok, so, you may be asking "But WHY do you like him so much?" Well,let me tell you:

1) He worked towards the criminalization of Prostitution in Rhode Island. Finally outlawed in 2009, prostitution had been Legal since 1980. As a massage therapist, I have a HUGE problem with the legal "Sex Behind Closed Doors" that was occurring in the states "Spas"

2) He's Gay. Its not his "gayness" that I really love, its the fact that in a city filled with a lot of bigots, an openly gay man can win an election in a landslide. He doesn't push the issue, and he shows that, guess what?, not all gay men wear feather boas and glitter covered faux eyelashes. I guess in this case I am more proud of the voters, though I'm sure his being Italian, in most cases, overrode his being gay. On Federal Hill, you could have a tail, 3 eyes and a horn sticking out of your forehead, but as long as you're Italian, you've got their vote.

3) The Unions don't always get their way. The Firefighters in Providence have been spending less time fighting fires and more time fighting City Hall for more, more, more. In 2002, Cicilline said he would end the lengthy (since 1992!) dispute between the Firefighters Union and The City of Providence. However, he was not going to succumb to their over the top demands. And he didn't. A week ago the two sides reached a tentative agreement...now its just up to the 450 Members of Local 799 to agree to a contract. While some believe that he did give in a bit in this newest contract, in no way did the Union get the win, and again, Cicilline saved the City, and its residents, money, while not compromising their safety. Oh, and all this Drama kept Joe Biden out of the city in 2009, not wanting to "cross picket lines" in order to attend the US Conference of Mayors. Thank God, who knows what that nut job would have done!

4) He believes in the importance of The Roger Williams Park Zoo to the State of Rhode Island and The City Of Providence. Recognizing the impact the zoo has on community and tourism, Cicilline pushed for an $11 million dollar bond (Voted in by the people of the state in 2006) that would improve the zoo, creating jobs and bringing tourists (and their money) to the city.

5, 6, 7, 8.....) He cares less about money in his pocket and more about the people he is serving. He's socially liberal, but fiscally conservative. He only spends money if it will result in more money coming in, and doesn't spend money we don't have. Yes, he's a Democrat, but he's got my vote.

Sure he's Italian....but he can't help it...he was born that way.

The Rhode Island Roadways are weird...

I've spent a lot of time driving, but I've found Rhode Island's roadways, and the people on them to be a bit odd.

Rhode Side Memorials:

Im sorry your loved one died in an accident...But seriously, there has got to be a better way to memorialize them than spreading litter all along the highway! I swear, the roads out here look more like really tacky cemeteries than interstate highway systems. But in a state where drunk driving is a hobby for many....they are bound to keep popping up and making me roll my eyes...and roll down my window to puke.



You're So Vanity Plates:

Rhode Island Comes in #1 in the country for most vanity plates per-capita. Im not sure why everyone here feels the need to have one, but they can make for an interesting trip down 95. Most are stupid but occasionally you come across one that is witty.

Another interesting Fact about RI License plates is that Low Numbered plates are like precious gems to RI Citizens. They are a symbol of great status, riches, and in most cases some form of mob connection. These are not vanity plates....these are state issues plates that have a low number.; 7, for example, or 15. As opposed to what the rest of us have; KR-376. If you are fortunate enough, your rich uncle may leave you his low numbered plate in his will. If you are not lucky enough to be from a wealthy family or a Patriarca, I'm sorry....No Low Numbahs fa you!


Tailgaters will remember you always:

This is another new one for me. In 27 years, Living in NY, I think I saw these decal memorials a handful of times. But, here, in Rhode Island, I see at least 5 a day. Some even have Vanity Plates "MYANGL" "RIPDAD" "INHVN". I have lost dear friends and family members, and honestly, the last thing I'd think to do Is emblazon my rear window with their name and date of birth/death....To me its like "Look at me...see how victimized I am? Its ok that I cut you off in traffic and almost hit a pedestrian because I know someone who died" But To each his own I suppose.

My son is really reflective:

If you live in Rhode Island, and have a child who has ever expressed an interest in playing a sport, you have a Silver Decal on your car depicting a person engaging in said sport. Now, I know stickers similar to these exist in other states, but The Rhode Island ones are different, and Ive never seen one anywhere else, Ever! In fact, Icouldn't find an image of one anywhere on the internet. These are mirrored graphics and the images themselves are poor at best. If you don't know what sport the kid plays, the sticker won't give you any insight. I have starred at them for long periods of time, like one of those magic eye pictures, they just don't get any more clear to me....I know you have no idea what Im talking about, but if you ever visit Rhode Island, I promise, upon crossin the border you will see one and say "OHHH! That's what she was talking about....now what does that kid do? Is that...sumo wrestling? White water rafting?




Who painted all these lines on my parking lot?:

The Rhode Island Parking lot is a dangerous place. I'm not sure who taught these people how to park in a parking space, but it's a strong possibility that it was Stevie Wonder. If you go to any parking lot, anywhere in the state, I promise you will not on;y be disgusted by their lack of skill, but extremely proud of your own parking prowess. Sure, we all miss the mark now and then, but here, it reaches almost obscene levels. I only posted one photo, but the number of photos I have could fill its own blog.